THE BEASTOCRACY PRESENTS
WARNING! Not for the faint of constitution nor commonwealth lout!
WHO ARE THESE BEASTS WHO WALK AMONG US?'Courteous, kindly, outrageous!' There are 'people' in every strata of society who struggle against almost insurmountable odds to fit in. For some, finding that special haven amongst their peers provides a source of unmitigated joy and a heart's desire is finally satisfied. Enter a bizarre reality and thrill to the adventures of a mixed bag of devious animal hybrids as they struggle to understand God's Creation and play their records in peace.
WHAT THEY'RE ALL SAYING ABOUT THE BEASTOCRACY: "I was enjoying the staff night out until I felt something under the table brush up against my girlish leg. I lashed out, with a kick, thinking it was Sinn Fein spokesman Gerry Adams bugging me again but my friends said it was just the methadone. Then it came out from under the table and looked a bit like a werewolf. As it vaulted the banister and took off up the stairs, I could see it obviously wasn't Adams after all but whatever it was, it was very, very fast.""I thought the big one with the rhinoceros head smelt a bit funny but he was really polite when he came and spoke to us. He even offered us some slim panatellas." "I'd been recovering slowly from quite a bad...well...a serious nervous breakdown really... Every day in every way, you know? Pin the smile on, stop thinking about that kiddie's waterworks coming loose in my grip...emergency services...Doing the counselling, starting to sleep a bit at night again. Then this...this...these bastards undid six months of hypnotherapy and they did it just for a laugh, like a gang of fascists." "They rang the station one night, in an obvious state of distress and said 'We're the Beastocracy and we'd like to help the police in any way we can'..." To this date, I don't believe they've ever approached us with any useful information.""I came home to find my daughter and her school friends in hysterics watching a clip of a cow with BSE losing its footing and sliding down a concrete ramp. They all have Beastocracy posters on their walls. It's like that film about the Bodysnatchers; she sneers at human emotions now.""The croc, the alligator - heralds of the Apocalypse, mate. You'll see...""Among the images that accompanied our intended intimate dinner for two at the CCA that evening were these; a group of six heavily-armed seven year olds beating a space-helmeted chimpanzee to death; a gang of alleged Animal Rights Activists breaking into Hawking's house and dolling him up like a Hell's Angels 'momma' for nauseating 'golden showers' and brainwashing sessions; a Chelsea Pensioner sicking up a used condom, followed by microscopically-detailed footage of procreation and violent conflict in the world of garden insects...In short, the so-called 'beastocracy' ruined our anniversary..."
ARE YOU A MEMBER OF THE BEASTOCRACY? Many of our membership are agreed that seldom in this age of rapacious mediocrity can any of us enjoy a really good time without incurring the punitive wrath of some Episcopal league of social reformers, hell-bent on severing humankind's ties to its primal ancestry. As much as we admire the working classes, we do not wish to resemble them. Hence the dawn of the Beastocracy.
JOIN NOW WITHOUT DELAY! To receive your exclusive 'SUPER CASINO' gift voucher plus news of forthcoming Beastocracy romps! Or be the first to promenade down Sauchiehall Street as a young and triumphant solar archetype, festooned in our range of sinister T-shirts, badges and anti-sex toys! Membership forms await the brave and the brilliant at the Dee Jay Cockpit. Are you ready to take the plunge into an untamed Now? Furtherance! Furtherance! Furtherance!
WILL THERE BE PRIZES FOR BEST BEAST COSTUME? If the opportunity to bring Glasgow's own elusive serial killer, Bible John, to justice isn't enough, if the BIG PRIIIIIZE in Peter Tatchell's Lucky Hole can't wave your wand then what about the opportunity of a lifetime to direct and STAR in your own triple XXX video? We have dedicated professionals on hand to guide you through every stage in the production process, packaging, distribution, etc. And of course there'll be prizes for the best beast costume! Why shouldn't YOU be the winner? Don ghastly snout and merry tail to compete for the coveted BARNYARD DANDY award! So fancy mucking about with animals, do you? Then the only place to be is the CCA. Indulge in an evening of ambiguous pleasure in the company of mans closest, strangest relatives. THE BEASTOCRACY bringing you the next in a series of clandestine episodes in glorious TRIPLE STEREO. Come smell the Beast. Art has never tasted so good. Grant Morrison 2000